literature

Mysti's Story Chap I

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Mysti
She ran though the desert, not daring to look back, she was so scared she couldn't think about anything except escaping, all her mind was focused on distancing herself as far away as possible from the 'whatever it was'. Her breath came as short sharp intakes and her wings where beginning to become so heavy that they dragged her down like lead.

"I've got to get out of here" She panted under her breath, "I'm a survivor not a victim, I'm a survivor not a victim. . ."
Her tired feet dragged on the ground as she tried desperately to keep going, she didn't see the jutting out rock until it was too late, her small, fragile face scraped across the barren wasteland, cutting into rocks and sharp stones, her eyes screwed up in pain. She looked back at the ever looming figure, her vision watery and out of focus, everything fading. . .growing weaker. . . the figure's face loomed in front of her like an evil god looking down at its prey. . . slipping away. . . the darkness came like a gift. . .

Liberty
. . . she didn't know how long she was unconscious for. . .

"She's coming around at last"

. . . sounds of running feet made their way closer to her ears. . .

"Hey there, you okay? Looks like you took a nasty blow" She opened her eyes to see a kindly male face looking back at her, his eyes where a sparkling blue and his hair was a shade of the night sky. She looked around her, she was in some kind of room, she couldn't make out anything properly, just a small chair and some red things on a tiny table next to her bed.

"I think she might like some water" came a lower, more knowing voice.

"Water?" she wondered aloud.

"You, you don't know what water is?" the blue eyed man said, sounding worried.

"Who. . .who are you? Where am I, what is that?" her head burst with knowledge just out of reach.

"I'm Kai and him over there is Ichijo, I cannot disclose any information about where we are I'm afraid and I frankly have no idea what that is, hey, Ichijo, what's that on the table?" He turned and a big man stepped into view, he had some kind of weapon in his hands that he seamed to be cleaning, Liberty immediately saw that Ichijo wasn't someone you got in the way of.

"Its a prototype, a new kind of Symphon that Thea's been trying to create, I dunno why she's left it there though."

"Really? Cool!" Kai reached out for it but Ichijo was standing in the way.

"Don't touch it you fool! I said its a prototype, she hasn't tested it yet, it could be dangerous!"

"Wait. . . rewind. . . what? Thea? Symphon? Prototype? Ahh my head!" Liberty sat up clutching her forehead, it felt like it was going to explode.

She could see the two men properly now, Kai was fairly tall with quite a slender build, he looked to be about 18 or 19. Covering his top half was a dark blue jacket with a high collar, underneath that he was wearing a plain white T shirt. A baggy pair of dark blue three quarter length trousers, adorned with different sized pockets where over his lower half and on his feet he wore a pair of thick black boots.
Ichijo was of a stocky, muscley build, quite the opposite of Kai. His face was rough and wiser, a deep black scar zigzaged across his right cheek. He wore a long brown coat that went down to about his knees, over the top of a dark green shirt. Over his trousers, which where just ordinary black, where a pair of worn brown boots. Matching fingerless gloves covered his hands. Liberty thought Ichijo looked to be in his mid twenties.

The stronger man casually leaned against the wall whilst cleaning something that looked suspiciously like blood off of a huge white and red broadsword. Liberty tried not to look at it, just the thought of blood made her feel queasy. In contrast to Ichijo's relaxed stance, Kai lent over her, uneasy and worried.

Mysti
. . .The figure bent down next to her fallen body. . . Fumbling . . . Suddenly Mysti felt a sharp pain in the back of her neck and a weight lifted from her chest,

"M. . .my necklace. . . don't take my necklace. . . please. . .not my necklace. . ." Mysti choked, spitting out blood, she tried to stand up but someone roughly shoved her back down, her face smashed against the floor and she tasted fresh blood again.
She lifted one heavy eyelid, just open enough to see the cloaked figure stand up and, turning away he let out a terrible cry of laughter. It was so horrible Mysti felt her heart grow cold and for one miserable second she felt death crawling up her body. . . darkness. . . growing ever nearer. . . and each step she took. . . she became closer to the abstract nothingness. . .
Then the laughter stopped and Mysti lay upon the cold, hard floor once again, uncontrollably weeping as dark thoughts took their hold upon her mind.

Liberty
A shiver ran down Liberty's spine although she didn't know why, she supposed it might be the room she was currently in, it was so startling white that it unsettled her. She examined her surroundings properly for the first time since she had woken, her vision becoming more and more clearer.

The walls around her where covered in sparkling white tiles, looking above her head she noticed that they continued onto the ceiling in a seamless, bland pattern and that was also the same for the floor. She felt like she was in a hospital but she knew that she couldn't be because she didn't belong to any, not being rich or proclaimed enough.
The door directly in front of her was slightly ajar, it was plain white too with a small square window set into the middle at about head height. As far as she could see there was no possible way of opening the door from this side.

"Am I in some sort of prison cell?"

Opposite the door was the metal framed bed she currently sat on, it had white sheets and was fitted with a comfortable mattress that Liberty knew she could spend her entire life sleeping upon. Next to the foot of the bed was a small chair where Kai had situated himself, the frame was of a curvy stylish design and white and blue fabric in a criss-cross pattern, sort of hung off it creating the seat.

Next to the head of the bed, the bedside table was again, white, Liberty gathered this was a recurring theme of the place she was in. Balanced in a small dark blue bowl where three, tiny red spheres, slightly translucent. When Liberty drew close to them they glowed curiously, lighting up the room with a spooky blood like colour. She quickly moved away and they stopped glowing.

"What was that?" she asked, surprised and alarmed.

"My guess is as good as yours" Ichijo said as he sheathed his weapon into the worn brown leather straps that where attached to his back and leant over the red spheres himself. Nothing happened, the strange items stayed the same, he shrugged and moved away again.

"These are Symphon's, Thea's invention." Ichijo explained, noticing Liberty's quizzical look. "They are a vessel that store a non electrical power that she could only describe to me as 'magic's essence'."

"Thea's been working on it for some time now and she seams to have successfully created a way of storing this 'energy'. Kai said, standing up from his seat and inspecting the spheres for himself,"but as far as I know she has no idea how to draw the 'power' back out of them."

Liberty looked at the two men, surprised at how obvious it was and yet they hadn't seamed to notice it. They both looked intelligent enough but as she had often found out, looks can be very deceiving. Her facial expression must have given her thoughts away because Ichijo looked at her and frowned.

"Its not just as simple as reversing the method you use to store the 'energy' inside, somehow when Thea traps the energy inside the objects, the power attaches itself to its vessel and she has yet to discover an effective method of detaching the magical essence without destroying the power and the vessel." he gave her a searching look, "Thea's a lot smarter then most people and if she can't do it then I doubt anyone can."

"Sorry" Muttered Liberty feeling somewhat stupid. She looked down at her feet, still confused and disorientated. She wished her memory's would come back and she would understand how she came to be where she was right now.

"Don't worry 'bout him!" Kai laughed, seeing her downhearted expression, "That's just his way, he doesn't mean to upset you."

"One of these days Kai, I'm going to make you wish you never said a word!" said Ichijo, his mouth turning upwards in a slight grin, he turned back to Liberty, "Kai's right, I didn't mean to upset you, I'm just wary that's all, there are a lot of people who would do anything to capture Thea's inventions, and trust me, they have a lot of spy's! We have to be very careful what we tell anyone." he glanced at Kai as he said this and Kai turned away, looking sheepish.
"Anyway," Ichijo continued, seemingly oblivious to Kai, "You haven't introduced yourself yet, I think you owe us your name at least, after what we did to help you. . ."
Liberty looked at Ichijo's face, noticing how much older and worn it looked compared to Kia's smooth skin. She waited for Ichijo to continue, hoping for a longer explanation, but after a while still none came and she gathered he wasn't going to elaborate any further so she spoke.

"M, my name's Liberty, I come from Lorin . ." She paused, wondering how to tell them. She wished she knew what they'd done to help her. . .
'If only I could remember then I wouldn't have to worry so much! I hope they don't expect a reward for I have nothing to give them, I haven't even a home.'

Ok so I have been writing this for ages, I wasn't sure how to upload this, weather I should upload it so that each character's part was a separate 'work of art' as it where, or split it up into 'chapters' (I didn't originalaly write it as chapters.)

So I have decided to split it into chapters instead. I know its nowhere near perfect but its taking forever to write, and I want people's opinion about it and no one in my family seems able or wants to read it so I shall put it here in the hope that a lone person will stumble upon it!

It is a completely original story, no stealing, its copy-write to me!! *waggles finger*

Please let me know if the chapters are too long or something. And yes I know its an unusal format but, I dunno, I like it...
Oh and the weird spacing is this strange html thing, I just can't get the hang of it!! FIXED

Chapter one: [link]
Chapter Two: [link]
Chapter Three: [link]


Images of the characters:
Mysti: [link] [link] [link]
Liberty: [link] [link]
Ichijo: [link] [link]
Kia: [link]
Asue-Teil: [link]
© 2011 - 2024 RevanREK
Comments3
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DreamoftheNightSky's avatar
This story has potential, I think. You have introduced a couple mysteries that would encourage the reader to continue reading subsequent chapters. I like how different the Mysti parts and Liberty parts sound.

Below are a few things that I think you should fix. I know it seems like a lot, but what I've listed above are common errors by young writers. I recommend getting a teacher to look over it and circle the errors (like when you use the wrong homophones.

------------------------------------

She ran though the desert, not daring to look back, she was so scared she couldn't think about anything except escaping, all her mind was focused on distancing herself as far away as possible from the 'whatever it was'.

I suggest this:

She ran though the desert, not daring to look back. She was so scared that she couldn't think about anything except escaping. Her mind was focused on distancing herself as far away as possible from the 'whatever it was'.

>>With the above quote (and throughout the piece), you sometimes use a comma where you should use a period (or maybe a semicolon). It's a common error, especially in young writers). It seems only famous writers like Kafka and Saramago can get away with writing rules >_<

Some of the longer pieces of dialogue are unorganised (sort of). There are also many rules pertaining to dialogue, including the formatting, the punctuation, capitalisations, etc. I think you should look into that and read work by a number of different authors to figure out the typical way to format dialogue. Or just search online for the rules.

The "where" in the first paragraph should be "were." And again: "where a sparking blue" should read "were a sparkling blue"

A little advice: Don't use "so" as a qualifier (e.g. "so heavy," "so startling," "so scared"). Just take out the "so" and you would be saying the same thing. "So" just makes your writing sound...elementary.

Try to not end a sentence with a preposition, unless in dialogue.

"Its a prototype" should be "It's a prototype"

You use "seam" or "seamed" or "seams" a few times. It should be seem/s/ed